The Cupid Hotel

Happy Valentine's Day! This is the first draft of a script titled 'The Cupid Hotel' that is based on Shakespeare's 'As You Like It' (purely from outside sources, I wasn't able to actually read the play).

SCENE 1

LOBBY. INT. EVENING.

PAN across the faces of CECELIA, a kind looking young woman who is kind of bored by this situation; ROSE, who is wearing a loose sweatshirt and has taken every possible precaution to look like a guy. She keeps looking down as if she’s afraid she’ll be found out; and SETH, a young man twiddling his thumbs. JACK, an extremely confident and charismatic man, walks into the room. There are also extras in the room. He looks out into the room, taking them all in. He smiles.

JACK

Welcome to the Cupid Hotel! Here, we believe in

love at first sight, and we hope to be

initiators of that. We accept the lost and

loveless and set them up with their perfect

match! You are here because love has tossed you

aside, but that hasn’t gotten you down! You are

brave enough for another attempt. We will pull

you aside and ask you a few questions to

determine your perfect match.

He looks down to Seth, and motions for him to follow. He does.

They enter the-

OFFICE. INT. EVENING

Thus begins a spliced montage of the three main characters’ interviews.

JACK

Name?

SETH

Seth.

CUT TO:

CECELIA
Cecelia.

CUT TO:

ROSE

Ro- I mean Gary.

JACK
Gary. You sure?

ROSE
Yes.

Jack can tell she’s not serious, but he goes along with it because he feels bad.

JACK
Sexuality?

CUT TO:

CECELIA
Heterosexual.

CUT TO:

ROSE
I like men.

CUT TO:

Seth hesitates for a second.

SETH
Bisexual, I guess.

JACK
You guess?

SETH

(smiling)

First time I’ve said it out-loud.

Jack grins.

JACK
Aw, congratulations.

Seth smiles shyly.

JACK
What brought you here?

SETH

Last place to go?

He ends like he’s waiting for approval.

CUT TO:

CECELIA

(nonchalantly)

Friend convinced me.

CUT TO:

ROSE
Nowhere else to go.

JACK
How would you describe yourself?

CUT TO:

SETH
Um, strong. Nice. Sensitive. Determined.

He’s counting these on his fingers like he’s laying out terms for a test.

CUT TO:

Rose leans against the side of the chair, thinking for a second.

ROSE
Nice? I’m a good listener. I like poetry. Reading, not writing.

CUT TO:

SETH
Yeah, I’m pretty passionate. I write poetry. I can be stubborn too though.

CUT TO:

CECELIA
Incredibly loyal. Level-headed. Organized.

CUT TO:

ROSE
I don’t know, I’m pretty honest. I tell people like it is.

CUT TO:

CECELIA
The things I do for the people I love-

JACK
And what do you look for?

CECELIA
Well- (pause) I have a thing for brunettes.

CUT TO:

ROSE
A partner. I think you have to look at love as friendship-

CUT TO:

SETH
Someone who likes me.

JACK

Aw.

Pause. Jack collects himself, and the notes that he’s been taking.

JACK
Thank you. Please wait in the lobby and we’ll have you suited in a little.

Rose walks back out into the-

LOBBY. INT. EVENING.

She is immediately pulled aside by Cecelia. The pair stand kind of off, near a beam or a corner or something.

ROSE
I don’t know if I can do this.

CECELIA
There’s nowhere else for miles. Just lay low until you’re off my

dad’s radar.

ROSE
This place is weird though, right? I’m not going crazy?

CECELIA
No, yeah, Rose. It’s totally weird.

The two laugh quietly, attempting to not draw attention to

themselves.

ROSE
I feel like I’m going to disappoint someone. When they find out I’m

not a guy.

CECELIA
If they’re here for real, they’ve already been disappointed many

times over.

ROSE
That makes it worse!

The two laugh again.

CECELIA
Sorry. I’m sorry! You’ll be fine.

The two sit back down in the main part of the lobby. There are other

people around, mingling awkwardly or not awkwardly. Someone just

walks out the door.

Seth is sitting by himself, looking around. He is clearly

uncomfortable.

Rose and Cecelia sit next to him.

Seth leans over.

SETH
Hi.

He holds his hand out to shake. Rose immediately goes for it, until

she realizes that he’s holding it out to Cecelia. Embarrassed, she

waits her turn.

SETH
I’m Seth.

CECELIA

Cecelia. And-

She points to Rose.

CECELIA
Gary.

Seth looks momentarily confused.

ROSE
Yeah, it’s a weird name.

Rose gives Cecelia a look.

CUT TO:

OFFICE. INT. EVENING.

JACK is sitting in front of a big computer, plugging in information

from a notepad. Suddenly, the computer freezes, then crashes.

JACK
(quietly)

No.

He hits a few keys on the computer. Then, after a pause, he hits it harder.

JACK
(louder)

No.

Jack hits the side of the monitor. He sits back in his chair, and

peers out the door window at the lobby, seeing everybody sitting

uncomfortably. He pushes himself (on a swivel chair) out of the view

of the window.

CUT TO:

LOBBY. INT. NIGHT.

SETH and ROSE are chatting in the lobby.

SETH
So I have a brother-

ROSE
Really? I always wanted a sibling. Cecelia’s the closest I have.

She’s my cousin, but our dads hate each other, so it’s difficult.

SETH
Oh, that sucks.

ROSE
No, I’m sorry. I interrupted you. You have a brother-

SETH
Oh, yeah. Oliver. He’s a couple years older than me, and as kids he

would always kick me around, and sit on me and stuff. So I started

wrestling, and became the most abnormally jacked child, just to get

him back.

Rose laughs. Seth smiles.

ROSE
Oh, wow.

SETH
But yeah, we’re close. Or I guess-

Seth looks up, deciding whether or not he’s gonna tell the story.

SETH
He’s mad at me right now. He actually just kicked me out. That’s why

I’m here. I just need somewhere to stay.

Rose looks relieved, and she’s about to speak.

ROSE
Oh my god-

JACK enters the room, holding up his hands to make an announcement.

Everyone looks up.

SETH
Oh, well, I guess we have our assignments. Nice talking to you.

Seth stands up.

Rose looks a little disappointed, like she’d forgotten that part.

ROSE
Yeah, you too.

JACK
I’m sorry everyone, but our computer system is down. Therefore, we

cannot pair you up. You’re free to continue mingling, or see me for

an individual or couple room.

Seth and Rose look at each other. Seth sits back down.

Cecelia comes up to Rose, and silently takes her wrist and the pair

leave.

CECELIA
Hey, wanna just get a room? We don’t have to go through this

anymore.

ROSE
I’m actually having a good conversation.

Cecelia peeks over, to where Seth is sitting alone.

CECELIA
You have to remember that you’re not yourself.

ROSE
It’s fine. Like you said, just one more disappointment.

Rose looks down because she knows this isn’t true.

CECELIA
Whatever you say.

Rose sits down next to Seth and immediately launches into

conversation, finishing the thought she started before.

ROSE
Anyway, I’ve grown up with severed relationships, so I admire any

time people can stay together, romantically or otherwise.

SETH
Yeah-

Suddenly, the power shuts off, and it is pitch black.

There are a few little yelps throughout the room.

ROSE

(laughing)
Oh my god.

SETH
Here, where are you?

ROSE
Is this your hand?

SETH
I think so.

The two laugh.

SETH
The question is, is this an actual outage, or are they trying

something-

ROSE
Oh no. But the lights will come on-

SETH
That element of danger-

ROSE
I’m not into that

SETH
I was joking

ROSE
So was I.

They laugh again.

The lights come back on. It’s like in Clue or something when they

all look around suspiciously and there are close shots on everyone's faces.

OLIVER stumbles through the door and directly to the front desk.

Apparently, it’s been raining outside because he is soaked.

Seth looks over, then gets a blank look on his face. He stands up,

and walks over.

SETH
Oliver?

Oliver turns around, and they hug.

Seth pushes him away before long. Before Oliver realizes that

something is wrong, he says-

OLIVER
I saw your car-

He stops, looking at Seth’s face.

OLIVER
I’m sorry man, I was in the wrong. I never got comfortable with you

being stronger than me, so when you got that job, I don’t know. I

thought you’d move out, so I was acting preemptively.

SETH
No, no. Don’t worry about it.

OLIVER
What?

SETH
I’m not gonna sacrifice this relationship to your fragile

masculinity.

They laugh, and hug again.

SETH
This is a little awkward but I’m kind of doing okay over there, do

you mind if I leave?

Oliver looks surprised.

OLIVER
Oh, wow. My boy? Go get her, partner.

SETH
Him.

OLIVER
Oh, okay. You do you.

SETH
Thanks, man. See you later.

They give each other thumbs up cuz they’re dorks.

Seth walks back over to Rose.

Oliver walks to the front desk.

JACK
You don’t want to give it a try? Lots of lonely hearts in here.

Jack gestures to the room, but stops on Cecelia, who is standing

against a wall, on her phone.

Oliver walks over.

OLIVER
Wanna get a room?

CECELIA
Sure.

Oliver holds out his hand to hold, and Cecelia takes it. They walk

over to the front desk together.

Cecelia makes eye contact with Rose and smiles.

Rose makes a face, and points them out to Seth.

SETH
(under breath)
Oh god.

A beat.

SETH
Maybe this is a little forward, but do you want to maybe get a room?

Rose’s face falls.

Seth acts quickly.

SETH
But no pressure! I can give you my number or-

ROSE
No, I want to. It’s just- I’m not who you think I am.

Seth waits.

ROSE
I’m not a guy. My name is Rose. I’m here because I’m hiding from my

uncle, Cecelia’s dad. He’s after me because my dad disappeared and

owed him money or something. I’m sorry for tricking you. I really do

like you-

SETH
No, that’s totally okay.

ROSE
Really?

SETH
Yeah. Livin’ the bi life.

He does finger guns.

Rose gives him a look.

SETH
I will never say that again.

They laugh.

Seth looks around.

SETH
I guess this place does work.

The pair stand up, holding hands. As they begin walking to the front

desk, it pans over to Jack, who is looking directly at the camera.

JACK
All the world’s a stage.

CUT TO BLACK.

Trivia:

-Based off Shakespeare’s As You Like It

-While most of the character’s names stayed similar: Celia to

Cecelia; Jacques to Jack; Rosalind to Rose; Oliver remained Oliver;

Orlando’s name was changed to Seth because Orlando is a city in

Florida, Fort Myers is also in Florida, and Seth Meyers is a TV

personality.